TED TALK WITH UNCLE TED · 7 September 2026
My wife wants to sleep on the man’s side of the bed
After years living apart, Wafula’s wife moves in and challenges his belief that the side nearest the door belongs to the man.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Hi Uncle Ted,
My wife and I have always lived apart because of our jobs. Recently, however, she got a transfer to my town. I was happy because I thought we would finally live as one happy family, only to realise living together can be a nuisance.
Imagine my wife is insisting that she wants to sleep on the side of the bed nearer the door because she claims she has a loose bladder and that it is a nuisance climbing over me each time she wants to go and pee. She also says she has to wake up around five times each night to go and check on our five children.
Doesn’t she know that that side of the bed is meant for the man? Is she genuine or is she just trying to sit on me?
Uncle Ted replies
That is a serious problem, my brother. If that woman sleeps near the door while you sleep like a woman near the wall, you might wake up and find your “rungu” replaced with maternity equipment between your legs.
Do not allow that nonsense even if she goes to the Supreme Court. If she is tired of climbing over you, let her urinate on the bed. Kwani who will wash the sheets? Si ni yeye?
Alternatively, she can sleep on the sofa. The way the economy is going, those five babies that you two have are enough.